After reading Katie Brazelton’s book Praying for Purpose, a theme became obvious in my life, one that has been consistent through the years. At the end of the book, when asked “What baggage do you need to unload?” I realized this persistent theme had to go.
What is it?
My greatest hindrance is my own lack of self-worth. What a shock! I consider myself an emotionally healthy, fifty-eight year old Christian woman, who walks in God confidence.
Except when I don’t.
Which happens more often than I like to admit. It’s the heavy load I need to release!
Trying to figure out the REASONS for this low self worth took a lot of soul searching prayer. Several things that were deeply ingrained in me had a tendency to hold me back:
Comparison. So very often, I fall into the comparison trap. I’ll never have the looks or talent she has. I’ll never be able to write like she does. I’ll never…Hmmm, maybe it isn’t so much about comparison as it is my defeatist, negative attitude.
Past mistakes. Ouch! My face burns crimson and my ears smoke with fiery shame as I remember all the mistakes, missteps and misspoken words through the years. Cringing in embarrassment, I crawl further into my shell, shielding myself (or so I think) from the condemning voice I hear: I can’t believe you did that! How stupid. That was a goofy thing to say, I’m sure everyone is laughing at you.
Do you see the common denominator here? The voice of recrimination whispering repeatedly in my head is not mine. It’s the voice of the accuser, the father of lies, Satan.
“…For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth—the one who accuses them before our God day and night.” Revelation 12:10 NLT
Satan sees my progress in Christ, and throws roadblocks in the way to deter me. He’s trying to trip me up.
Whenever we venture out to take new land or to fulfill part of God’s purpose for us, opposition comes. The enemy predictably stirs up fears, brings up old failures, and throws a wet blanket of condemnation to extinguish our fiery passion. Susie Larson, Your Beautiful Purpose, Page 99
Satan can’t read my mind, he is not all knowing, but he is conniving. He senses my fearful personality and tendency toward low self-worth. He probably figures I won’t think enough of myself and my serving to realize that he would mess with me. After all, who am I, that Satan should worry about me being effective for God’s kingdom?
The more we gain ground in Christlikeness, the more apt we are to walk out our God-given call and, as a result, the more our lives become a threat to the enemy. The devil hates a transformed life. Susie Larson, Your Beautiful Purpose Page 72
This is war! And the best way to fight it is with the truth of who I am in the eyes of Jesus. I am loved, valuable and precious. And you are too.
Won’t you join me next month, as we delve in to our identities in Christ?
Grace be with you,